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Dieny snippet! - AceSquad A.D. — LiveJournal

About Dieny snippet!

Previous Entry Dieny snippet! Jun. 27th, 2005 @ 12:26 pm Next Entry
This is a little bit of the second showdown in the Dieny saga. I wrote it about a year ago and saved it, and it's taken me this long to finally get to this part.

There is some stuff missing (in the middle) and, hilariously enough, I'm not sure how to bring about the ending. Pacifica can't actually die in this part, and I've not a clue how to extricate her from this. I dug this hole, and, well, xDDD she's fucked right about now.

I'll let you guys read and tell me what you think should happen.


Formal accounts of what happened during the following conflict are contradictory; good cinema at best. Court documents in Guardian archives appear to have been retroactively accounted for, as the work is cursory and full of omissions. Jauriel’s glowing essay on Phantom’s spotless integrity during the duel are suspiciously melodramatic and trite. Most biographical texts on Pacifica and Phantom either leave this duel out completely or barely gloss over it, and this is a shame indeed.
No doubt, Dieny’s words echoed harshly in both their minds. To one, “kill your opponent and I’ll grant amnesty to a prisoner of your choice.” To the other, “kill the challenger, and I’ll release you from prison and put you in the custody of anyone you name.” Neither fighter was named or allowed to speak, and both were blindfolded, but it was all mere formality.
Dieny propped his ankle onto his opposite knee and reclined on his throne. He scratched under his chin crudely and waved at the guards to leave the combatants alone.
Despite their states of emotional distress, neither one was a fool. Even before they were brought in to the main room to fight each other, they knew who their opponents were.

*boring details of the duel go here, lol*
*needless to say, Pacifica gets her ass kicked*

Pacifica stumbled forward, eyes wide and mouth gaping in shock. She stopped and stood clutching her wound; the large gash ran from her collarbone near the top of her right breast—the blood began to pour down her chest and arms. Mustering a whisper as her tears fell, she dropped to the floor.
“I lost…”
Phantom’s arm was still extended from the finishing move of his strike, but he slowly relaxed his muscles and let his arm fall to his side. Pacifica’s blood from his dagger, like a brushstroke rapidly applied, colored his uniform in an exquisite spray. He had ripped off his blindfold, but Pacifica dared not look at her victor, and her blindfold remained tightly fastened.
With grimaced disdain, Phantom glanced over his shoulder at his partner and opponent, who had fallen to the ground and was panting heavily. His eyes narrowed and he could not muster pity for the woman he had just injured.
“Are you going to keep your promise, Dieny?”
Dieny shifted in his chair and bemusedly raised an eyebrow at his prisoner’s question. “Well, I was expecting a little more of a reaction from you two. Something along the lines of crying out in pain or screaming of anger at the irony of it all or vowing to unending devotion despite pains of death...” He didn’t bother to complete his thought as he noticed that neither Phantom or Pacifica had moved. Pacifica’s lack of movement especially grabbed his attention, the pretty little thing had gained a sliver of his respect and a great deal of his sexual desire, and he didn’t want to see her expire just yet.
“You are just horrifically boring, aren’t you?”
Pacifica collapsed into a growing puddle of her own blood. No one ran quickly to her side, no one called out her name in shock. Phantom turned away from her crumpled body and walked towards Dieny as Pacifica moaned in a lightheaded trance.
“I lost. I lost,” she gasped as her body trembled and shook in spasms of pain.
“Shut up,” Phantom fired back over his shoulder. “Dieny,” he bellowed. “If I kill her, will you keep your promise?”
Dieny yawned crudely and then smirked at Phantom. “Would you really kill her?”
Phantom did not hesitate. “Yes.”
Dieny’s smile melted into something more serious as he remembered the girl. He waved a hand at his guards, who ran up beside his throne in attention.
“Bring her here,” he pointed at the feet of his throne. His attendants ran to Pacifica, lifted her by her arms, dragged her to where Dieny stood, and tossed her at his feet. The king knelt to her level and put his hand on her face gently. Nudging her face to meet his, Dieny made a good hard look into Pacifica’s eyes. Before this day, he had always seen her in beautiful gossamer robes, diaphanous veils, and smelled her heavenly perfumes—of course, it was all for play. She was merely masking her true self, which was before him, raw, panting, sweaty, all a mess, in the ragged costume of his society’s detritus. While he could barely stand to see her, he was terribly amused by her deposition. Her eyes, they were tired and pained but still the same. Dieny kissed her eyes gently, and then lightly he kissed her lips, one last time.
“Goodbye, my sweet. You were a beautiful yet short burst of light in one man’s bleak life. If you weren’t such a deceptive cunt I would try and save you, but I’d say you deserve what you’re about to get.” He stood before her and kicked her back to the floor from the throne altar, and she cried out as she fell.
All were silent as Phantom descended upon his victim, seized her by the arm, and forced her to stand before him, her executioner.
He stood behind her, his right arm steady with the blade at Pacifica’s throat, ready to finish her off with one clean slice. Slowly he cupped Pacifica’s face with his left hand, his fingers firm across her lips and chin, his arm pinning her shoulder back to his body. He could feel her staggered breaths, her body trembling in fear and in pain as he held her against him, her lips quivering under his fingers.
Pacifica’s hands cradled the wound across her chest, whimpering. Phantom’s fingers over her lips didn’t allow her to speak, and she desperately wanted to. She needed to apologize to him and to beg him not to finish her off. Her partner had been tortured for days—it was obvious that he hadn’t rested in a long time, several days about—his spirit was as raw and beaten as his body. His hands twitched from exhaustion, Pacifica could feel his muscles flinching on her lips.
Every movement he made she could feel against her, and he was slowly moving his face closer to her ear, and his blade closer to her throat.


~~~

............... yea. She can't die xDDD And Phantom is not in the mood to be swayed by words or tears, only his conscience. I'm thinking he glances at Dieny practically drooling all over himself and realizes he's not as different from his rival as he'd like to think. And then, he steps even further back and goes "whoa, wtf am I thinking?" Does that sound too "convenient"? Honestly, any other alternative (someone coming in to save Pacifica, Pacifica somehow saving herself) doesn't work. Any ideas?

[edit]
Just to clarify here, I'm not going for a nice neat Hollywood ending to this scene. IE the following are no-nos in my mind:
1) Phantom saving Pacifica ("I was just pretending, har har!") NO!
2) Any weird deus ex machina, like a tree falling through the ceiling or something O_o
3) Dieny is NOT going to go "NO WAIT I LAUF HER HNOOOOOOS"
4) And neither if Phantom, because he's not pretending to hate her. He really is prepared to kill her.
5) Pacifica is not, um, fake bleeding. Unlike what you see in crazy films, a deep slash like that that is bleeding liekwhoa! has her close to unconsciousness, no lie.

I know that eliminates the easy choices, but neither Ph or Pa are going to come out of this very happy with each other. And that's fine. It's not conflict I want to avoid, only Pacifica's early death xPP
music: l'arc~en~ciel - new world
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From:nidoking
Date:June 27th, 2005 05:01 pm (UTC)
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... she could spit in his hand. It wouldn't do much, but it might be enough of a surprise to make him think about what he's doing, like a slap in the face. I don't know enough about the situation to know what would be running through anyone's heads there, but if it makes Phantom pause and look around, there's probably something that would lead him to the desired conclusion. At least, that way, it seems a bit less random.
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From:ifotismeni
Date:June 27th, 2005 05:15 pm (UTC)
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hmm, that's quite interesting, actually :D i was thinking she might bite him, but that's violent and likely to make him lash back. but spitting, hehe, that's more interesting! thanks! i will definitely think that one over.
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From:vigokosaru
Date:June 27th, 2005 06:04 pm (UTC)
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gah comment got lost!

Anyway the short of it:

Phantom, if he really hates Pacifica right now, might ask that Dieny allow him not to kill her as "death would be too good for this bitch", and it would be letting her off lightly, and Phantom would rather see her broken, brought low, and destroyed piece by piece. I dont know if you've done this already, or if you've got plans for such a thing to occur in later episodes of the book, but if I were Phantom and I were pissed off at my partner, and about to kill them, I just might think "...She cant get out this that easy!"
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From:vigokosaru
Date:June 27th, 2005 06:10 pm (UTC)
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erm, that might cause more problems though.. but! if Dieny accepted, it would give some time for Phantom to go "...how like my rival I've become. How did I let him do this to me?"

If Pacifica just gave in, might that- her not struggling, her not fighting- be "otu of character" to Phantom enough for him to go "What am I doing?" Also, her wanting to apologize = good idea, but begging not to kill her sounds... not good idea. If he readjusts his grip and lets her talk (it only takes erasing a few words!) she might say "I'm sorry" and mean it, and get through to him enough for him to toss her away and maybe make said bargain with Dieny, as he is still pissed.

The thign with writign oneself into a corner is that, you can always step back and try to avoid that corner again. I've had plenty of rewrites on my books- I'm in the middle of one right now actually- and what you get down doesn't have to be written in stone even if you think that's how it should go.
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From:ifotismeni
Date:June 27th, 2005 06:26 pm (UTC)
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yea, begging not to kill = very bad, but apologizing is just enough unlike her to maybe affect him?

i really REALLY want phantom to be at the point where he could kill her (and a little later he gets to that point again except he goes "oops" but he's a slow learner lol)

even at this point, i'm not sure and pacifica's not sure (lol) what she's apologizing for. phantom's just resenting her for 'causing' all this crap (being arrested and tortured) to happen to him, none of it is directly her doing. i'm thinking maybe she could apologize and maybe like... one tear... or something... but then you're right -- life could be the worse punishment for her. part of it might also be that phantom realizes even if pacifica dies, his problems are no where near over.

so do i want him to snap out of it like nidoking said by doing something like spitting (something not as violent as biting), or do i want to go more gentle? i'm totally unsure @_@
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From:nidoking
Date:June 27th, 2005 06:29 pm (UTC)
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Sometimes, I've been tempted to go back and write myself out of corners by deleting what I wrote to get myself in. But I always forge ahead and find a way out from where the story has gone. The self-satisfaction from getting the characters (or the characters getting themselves) out of a seemingly impossible situation can't be overestimated... and of course, it makes for a more exciting story. If you, as the author, can't anticipate the immediate future of your story, it's that much more of a surprise to the readers, and for being decided as it goes along, the end result is always surprisingly natural and unforced, at least for me.
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From:ifotismeni
Date:June 27th, 2005 06:35 pm (UTC)
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i think that's very true, i'm just afraid that i'm not quite good enough of a writer for my suspenseful confusion to come across as anything but just... utter confusion. i want this part to be suspenseful but right now i'm quite confused as to where to go, haha.
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From:nidoking
Date:June 27th, 2005 07:30 pm (UTC)
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Sometimes, I like to step away for a bit, write other things, and wait until my writing ability catches up with my ambition. Sometimes, I do end up going back and rewriting parts because I don't like my earlier style and the disparity would be too great. But we each have our own way of writing.
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From:ifotismeni
Date:June 27th, 2005 07:33 pm (UTC)
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that sounds like a good strategy to me :)
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From:ifotismeni
Date:June 27th, 2005 06:36 pm (UTC)
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my god, why do i not have a dieny icon?? IT IS SO NEEDED!
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From:vigokosaru
Date:June 27th, 2005 06:49 pm (UTC)
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pfft. Of course it is!

As for harsh or gentle: I'd say gentle. After all the action of the scene, the gentle-factor would be a nice change of pace for readers and for the characters. You know, let people breathe a moment. It's helpful ^_^

As for nidoking's remark about getting through: you can't step back from every corner, but some corners are too big, and some are pointless. The novel I'm working on now, I had about 50 pages to go (I was 250 pages through), and realized that working through the corner I'd written myself into made the story something I hadn;t wanted it to be, and really wasn't at all what I wanted to be writing. So I stepped back. And in Maria's case, letting Phantom's hand slip is enough of a backing away from a small corner, if she decides Pacifica should apologize, that it isn't too much of a strain on the actions of the characters and won't feel forced.

But anyway, that's my thought on things.

bring on the Dieny icon!
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From:nidoking
Date:June 27th, 2005 07:28 pm (UTC)
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He'd probably pull his hand back if she spit on it. ^_^
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From:ifotismeni
Date:June 27th, 2005 07:32 pm (UTC)
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lol yea, he'd be like "EUUUGH" and run for the antibacterial soap xDDD
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From:vigokosaru
Date:June 27th, 2005 07:43 pm (UTC)
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lol True!
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From:ifotismeni
Date:June 27th, 2005 08:01 pm (UTC)
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oh phantom. we know him too well xB
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From:ifotismeni
Date:June 27th, 2005 07:31 pm (UTC)
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hmmmm, sometimes i wish i had two actors so i could see these motions performed in front of me.

here's kind of what i've been thinking over the past hours or so:

pacifica will slowly put her hand on phantom's (the one that has the knife to her throat) and she'll gently move it from her neck to the top of her chest (krys you remember the ripped-top outfit? i'm still using that) and she exerts pressure with her own hand, forcing him to slowly cut another line clear across her flesh. this way phantom gets to cause her pain but it's also apologizing as she's encouraging him to do it.

i think phantom would get it, and kind of accept the apology. from there he might actually be moved enough to realize "oh shit, i'm her guardian" and help her out of there. and from there i can continue the story.

i have a kind of parallel thing happen a little later when the phantom/dieny fight happens (wee!!) except it's more of a normal argument where they're shouting at each other and pacifica's not wounded so she is yelling right back at him... so i don't want this to be too aggressive.

does this sound ok? i know it sounds super melodramatic but i feel like this moment calls for some melodrama ;)
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From:vigokosaru
Date:June 27th, 2005 07:37 pm (UTC)
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Melodrama happens in everyone's lives ^_^ It's ok! Besides, it's not "nonstop melodrama melodrama MELODRAMA!" Which would be bad.

I think that sounds good, though. Yeah, really, come on, dude! You're the guardian!

I remeber the ripped top outfit heh.

I wish I copies of some of the old stuff we did. I dont know where half my stuff is, but when I move out to a new apartment in the next few months, I'll probably find everything again.

Oh, you might enjoy this, one of my latest drawings:

geocities.com/vigokosaru/haraFM2.jpg

It's only a tiny version, cause I have it up on my site. Anyway, since I see your art all the time, figured it was only fair.
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From:vigokosaru
Date:June 27th, 2005 07:42 pm (UTC)
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http://www.geocities.com/vigokosaru/haraFM.jpg

larger version. I had free-handed it, and then sharpened the black and red in photoshop, so it's a little choppy in places from the editing as I am totally unskillful with photoshop ^_^
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From:ifotismeni
Date:June 27th, 2005 08:00 pm (UTC)
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omg that is so awesome!! haha, it's been *ages* since i've seen your artwork, and damn you're still really really good! :D by all means, i'd love to see more of your artwork ^_^ i don't mind!
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From:vigokosaru
Date:June 27th, 2005 08:30 pm (UTC)
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heh thanks. I always do my best work on crappy pieces of paper, that start out as doodles. I HATE that.

I don't draw a lot any more- not enough time, and frankly this apt. isn't condusive to the "feel" I need to draw (god I'm such a spoiled brat when it comes to drawing lol "too hot, too cold, not enough light, too dark, this table's too shotr, too tall, etc etc whine whine, bitch bitch!") But if you go here http://www.geocities.com/vigokosaru/BioRCC.html I have some tiny images of my most recent pics. I've done a few larger (poster-size) pieces in the past few years, nothign totally filled in, but mostly I doodle. The one I showed you, the Frank Miller meet Marvel one (lol), is something I'm really happy with. I want to study Miller's work some more, so I can become more comfortable with incorporating it into my own style (which shows clear clear Marvel roots heh). That piece is the first one I felt truly happy with, despite the flaws, because it felt closer to what I've been trying to draw all these years: the blacks, the heavy lines, the splash of color. I really liked the old Tales from the Crypt comics and Vampirella and stuff that Sarah had, and always loved that style. But I never got to study it, because they were her dad's and I couldnt' find something compairable that my parents wouldn't have freaked out if I had in the house heh

Anyway, I plan to get back into artwork once I get a new place, because I will have an area that is mine, to work in. My bedroom is too tiny for a desk, and that's where I used to do most of my work. There or the kitchen and ...well I don't have a kitchen table, so I can't draw there either! ^_^

But yeah, when I have more work, I will totally let you see ::grin::

Wow... that was a ramble!
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From:ifotismeni
Date:June 27th, 2005 08:48 pm (UTC)
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i totally know what you mean, yo. i haven't drawn for about two months now because it's just too hot and not-right in my room back in da chems. for some reason i draw a lot at school, i'm not sure if it's stress or what. i just can't bring myself to do anything decent when i'm at home anymore.

man, i remember sarah's comics. they were amazing! yea, i remember vampirella too, lol. her dad was like "i don't think you guys should be seeing those." hahah!

marvel's got such an interesting style, i do prefer their art style over most of what DC does nowadays. you've always been a marvel person :D

i will totally bookmark that website, i'm always interested to see what you're doing :) i actually found the dieny saga cover that you drew for me in ... 8th grade? and i kept it of course. tonight i should scan it so you can see. (phantom still had the little puff thing in his shirt... whatever that was...) do you remember it? there was this gorgeous sunset you colored and dieny's got ragin' shades on, haha xD i think that was 1997...? man, that was so long ago!! XDD

if i scan it can i put it online here >> http://acesquad.com/pacifica/ ?
i will credit you of course, i just want to give people a perspective on what was being done at different times. thank god we dated the stuff we drew!! i miss the days when i used to get so much fanart for my story, lol. now i have to poke people for it!
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From:vigokosaru
Date:June 27th, 2005 10:02 pm (UTC)
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I'd love to see it. I dont remember making it! ^_^ But I always will remember the puff thing in Phantom's shirt, and the craaaazy hat ^_^

Yeah, I always date my stuff, otherwise I'll be like "er....... a year ago? 10? somewhere in there"

I wish I got more fanart for my stuff lol I've had a couple pieces drawn for me, but only when I had a contest on my page, offering copies or originals of my own artwork lol Opportunistic little grubs, those fans!
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From:ifotismeni
Date:June 27th, 2005 07:33 pm (UTC)
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dieny icon will be happening tonight when i get home :)

until then i will flood this thread with "TEH KYUUUUUTE"
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From:vigokosaru
Date:June 27th, 2005 07:44 pm (UTC)
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hahahaha FINE! Be that way :P
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